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Sluts are insecure women who constantly seek self-esteem through multiple dickings when everyone knows that real self-esteem comes from keeping your legs closed. The question none of the myriad slut-shamers and finger-pointers and moralizers ask is: what slut (or, ahem, person) would want a dude who thinks that sex is equivalent to milk from a cow, or who wants us not to know whether we're getting good sex, or who thinks us incapable or unworthy or love based on our sexual history, or who would prefer that we "hold out" for the sake of making someone love us?
It is not worth it to be in a relationship with someone who isn't interested in you as a person or who places so much emphasis on who else you slept with that he can't notice the person he's sleeping with—or that the person you are currently choosing to sleep with is him.
And yet, every time a woman with a public history of unabashedly fulfilling her sexual needs get married—my former colleague Tracie at Jezebel and Jessica Cutler of Washingtonienne infamy come to mind—the slut-shamers come out of the closet to cluck their tongues and insist that women "like that" can never be and don't deserve to be happy. When someone like Jaclyn writes that she enjoys —you know, because only sluts enjoy sex with someone other than their long-term relationship partner—having sex outside of a relationship, they'll shout that she'll never be happy because, you know, slut.
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And sadly, disgustingly, a lot of those people clutching their pearls and pointing their fingers and gearing up to (metaphorically) burn the witch are women.
Look, there are lots of unhappily coupled people, lots of unhappily chaste people, and lots of unhappy people who played by the supposed rules of keeping their knees together and still ended up single. If there's any kind of goal in dating, it is (or should be) to find someone that you like, who likes you and with whom you can have a relationship that works for both of you.
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My husband got a lot of 'milk' before we were married, too, but he likes mine best.
Also, he likes talking to me, appreciates my perspective on things, and, oh yeah, loves me for me.
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