The doctor (who was from South Africa and had just come from working in an AIDS hospital in Mozambique) asked me if I’d been tested for HIV.

i told her that I had just a few months before and it was negative.

Migs, I’m not sure that I want to live to see what happens to me down the road.

So she convinced me to do another HIV antigen screening as part of a battery of tests.

Her immediate concern was my loss of liver function…it was significant.

I don’t know one single positive person here and it’s killing me.

My best friend and his partner are being the best, most loving, most supportive friends they can be but still, this is killing me.

Can you do or say ANYTHING that will help end my pain? Sending you light, love, and thoughts of healing, hope, and joy.

Migs It’s okay to feel lost, scared and in pain, I felt that too when I was diagnosed reactive last 2009, I thought I was going to die, I did questioned God why, but I didn’t blame him for what happened, I just asked for strength and guidance, I pray whenever I had lost hope, being positive at the age of 21 is not easy and having a mother that can’t accept you with the virus makes it worst, with God by my side I stayed strong, hoping that one day she will accept me, and now our relationship keeps on getting better.

I’m lost, scared, in pain…waiting for Monday so I can see a doctor. If you are still feeling bad while reading this, I’m not surprised, so it’s okay.

And even though Im surrounded by people who love and support me, it’s still going to be me who has to live with this. I spent the afternoon on reading everything I could find about HIV/AIDS. I can only imagine how difficult this time is for you. I guess there really are no words that can take away your pain.

And the weird thing is, that’s the first time in my life I’ve ever laid a hand on another human being in anger. The fever returned, nausea, fatigue and abdominal discomfort. The first day onboard I felt strange but not like before.